The past few days, I have been really wrecked, checked, and challenged. I really just wanted to share and encourage a few things with my beautiful ladies. 

I'm currently in a relationship, and let me tell you, IT IS WORK! Not to the point of it being a burden, but it is so completely different for various reasons. The main reason is we are striving to make sure that our relationship is pleasing to God above all else. I have never really been in a relationship where I had real boundaries. The transition of the way that I was doing it in previous relationships, to how we're doing it now has definitely been rewarding, yet work. Despite every conflict, I can honestly say that I wouldn't have it any other way with another person. (*blushes and smiles super hard*) 

Ok, in a nutshell, I just really wanted to encourage my ladies PLEASE DON'T SETTLE. I can't stress that enough. Let me say this first, nobody is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes and every single person has fallen short in one way or another, so please eliminate this idea of finding "the perfect guy." He doesn't exist. Sorry. Now, despite that truth, it doesn't mean you have to settle. It saddens me that so many of us have this messed up idea of "love." We as humans are so conditional. We love people because they make us "feel" so amazing. We love people because they do this and do that. THEN once they stop, we "fall out of love." Ah! Once we really get the purpose of relationships and solid truths on what love truly is and isn't, we would be so much better off.  

I really am praying for every single young woman living on this Earth. That we realize that we are such a valuable asset to a man. We are so precious and we deserve nothing less than the best. We have to stop the cycle of being with a guy and investing our energy, precious time and hearts into relationships that have been ongoing for YEARS and he still "isn't sure if he wants to marry you." Stop giving all the benefits that should be saved for YOUR HUSBAND to boyfriends and even "friends that you have no clue if you're together or not."

Once you find a real man it will be so evident. He states his intentions and his ACTIONS back up his words. You don't have to worry about being another option. He is so focused on YOU. He communicates with you, he desires to help you grow, he prays with and for you, he protects you, he isn't afraid to show you off. You aren't a secret! Stop settling for a man that tells you that "you're his main and that he is coming home to you, so all the other girls he has don't matter." WHAT? You should NOT have to stress yourself or worry about any other girls. Get out of that mentality. Either you're THE ONLY ONE or nothing at all. You shouldn't have to manipulate a guy into being with you. A real man will actively pursue what he wants. You shouldn't have to cry for attention or reassurance. You should NEVER constantly  feel like your man doesn't care for you or continuously have to question. Stop making excuses for these young men because we are just catalysts in their nonsense. 

YOU ARE SO PRECIOUS! Don't settle just because you see others around you in a relationship. Don't settle because you are impatient and lonely.Being single is not a disease. Embrace that time. Spend as much time with God as possible and let him develop you into a woman that a true man looks for. When that man comes along, you won't have to try to seduce him or be extra in order to capture his attention. There will be something about you that just exudes. LET GOD PRUNE AND DEVELOP YOU. It's not the easiest process, but it is so beneficial. You will start to truly realize your worth and be confident in knowing that any man that has you is blessed. Sometimes we are stuck in relationships because we are the ones chasing the man and trying to get him to "notice how amazing we are." NO! Rest. Relax. Focus on pleasing God through your lifestyle and that man will come. The man is the pursuer. 

If you're in a relationship and you know that this guy is playing games, please get out. I know it's not always the easiest to do, but it can be done. If you are uncertain about whether or not you should continue in the relationship with this guy, set some time aside with just YOU AND GOD and really truly seek Him for counsel. Stop making excuses for yourself and these guys. Your time is valuable and you don't need to be investing another day into something that you know isn't going to last. If you're in a relationship and you and the guy are having sex, I really want to encourage you to stop if you aren't married. It may seem good, but everything that seems good really isn't. Don't be afraid to ask him his intentions. Don't be afraid to ask him what the primary goal(s) of the relationship is. YOU NEED TO KNOW. This way you can decide whether or not you're willing to stick around and work through things or hit the nearest exit because it's clear he's just looking for convenience. A real man knows what he wants. He has standards and he isn't about games. He understands the value of a woman and surely understands the value of a wife.  I pray that we as women desire to be WIVES. YES! A WIFE. Not a 10 year girlfriend. That's nonesense.

I have not always been at this point and I definitely am not perfect, but I have a desire to please GOD above all else. I don't claim to know it all, but I have definitely experienced many things and have learned some valuable lessons. During my single stage, I FRANTICALLY stalked God. I asked him to prepare me for my future man. I asked him to develop and prune me and IT WAS NOT EASY. Even though I'm in a relationship, I still need God. He is my rock and is all up and through this relationship. The moment I feel like I've taken my eyes off him, I stop and refocus. I can't do this without Him and I acknowledge that. As I stated before, we aren't perfect, so I have to truly seek Him when my boyfriend is frustrating me or vice versa. He gives me the hook up on how to handle many situations. (*winks*) 

If you're single and really desiring to be in a relationship, PLEASE BE PATIENT. Focus on a better you and trust that God will come through. Trust His timing. I can honestly say I am so thankful for my single stage. It wasn't easy, but with God it was SO MUCH EASIER. Once I took my eyes off of when my man would come, it happened in the most unexpected way. There are certain things that I learned during my single stage when I was pressing into God, that are so valuable for me now. Stop going on these casual dates just because you're lonely and bored. Everyone doesn't deserve your time. Spend time with God and really feed your spirit with positive things. It is such a crucial time to guard yourself. Get around women that aren't bitter. Get around women that encourage you to wait and not settle. Get around women that aren't jealous or catty and not always gossiping or encouraging that "there aren't any good men" mentality. Sometimes it's us, not the men. 

Again, I really really pray that you let God take control. Whether it be in your relationship, or in your single stage. I am here if anyone needs to talk. I pray that EVERY single person that reads this really takes some time and press into God and that He comes through and gives you clarification, peace, and you experience His true love. If you're reading this and need someone to talk to and/or pray with or for you, feel free for contact me. 

God bless.

Psalm 37:4

New King James Version (NKJV)

⁴ Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

Email: aleshadw12@gmail.com
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